Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Note: Time it takes for a Venus flytrap to close: 100 milliseconds. Approximate number of days it takes one to digest a trapped insect: 10. I’m noting these scientific facts in case the Trump White House scrubs them from the archives of scientific knowledge. —Mgt.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the Day Without A Woman rallies and marches: 1
Percent of Democrats and Republicans, respectively, who believe a mix of global cultures is extremely or very important to American identity, according to a new AP-NORC poll: 65%, 35%
Amount by which Trump plans to cut funding to NOAA: 17%
Snowmobile deaths in Maine this winter: 9
Years since the last time Chicago had no snow on the ground in either January or February: 146
Number of attempts it took before Trump finally spelled “hereby” correctly in a tweet on Friday: 3
Puppy Pic of the Day: Ample warning has been given…
JEERS to same cruelty, different day. Oh joy. Steve Bannon and President Barf (see “Just one more” below) unveiled their latest anti-Muslim travel ban yesterday and it’s ever so slightly more refined than the last turd that got tossed by the courts. This time around, Iraq is—Abracadabra!—no longer a threat to the Amerikaner Vaterland, so they’re off the list, along with “legal permanent residents and people who have previously been issued visas.” But, says Ilya Somin at The Washington Post, there’s still plenty of awfulness and maybe even more unconstitutionality:
[T]he order still inflicts cruel harm on refugees and others, while creating little if any security benefit.
Most notably, the new order still cuts the total intake of refugees for fiscal year 2017 from 110,000 to 50,000. …[I]t consigns many thousands of refugees to misery and the risk of death without even a minimally plausible security rationale. The reduction applies to all refugees from anywhere in the world, regardless of whether there is any reason to think they might be security risks or not.
But the revised order remains vulnerable on the ground that its real purpose is religious discrimination against Muslims, which was the basis for the most recent trial court ruling against the initial order. Like the original order, the new one is still clearly an outgrowth of Trump’s advocacy of a “Muslim ban,” as admitted by Trump adviser Rudy Giuliani, who played a key role in drafting the first order.
In the immortal words of Trump himself: “See you in court!”
JEERS to taking your moronism national. Remember a year and a half ago when that mom in Texas noticed that her son’s geography textbook referred to slaves as “workers” who were part of a “pattern of immigration”? McGraw-Hill backpedaled and made changes, and that was that. So leave it to our new Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (and Trump’s designated African-American) Ben Carson to rip the scab off again in front of the whole damn country:
Ben Carson made a baffling claim that seemingly likened slaves to immigrants.
Calling the United States a “land of dreams and opportunity,” the newly confirmed housing and urban development secretary said, “There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less.” … It’s unclear what the retired neurosurgeon meant by the suggestion that immigrants came over on slave ships; however, the NAACP responded to Carson’s claim with a one-word response: “Immigrants???”
America‘s intellectual freefall continues.
JEERS to thuggish thuggery. On March 7, 1965—America‘s “Bloody Sunday”—a march by civil rights demonstrators—Congressman John Lewis among them—was broken up in Selma, Alabama when “state and local lawmen attacked them with billy clubs and tear gas.” Or, as Jeff Sessions remembers it: when”state and local welcome wagons offered them tea and crumpets.” History—so confusing.
CHEERS to shooting yourself with your own Bibi gun. Israeli prime minister and conservative saber-rattler Benjamin Netanyahu’s days appear to be numbered, as an investigation into various charges moves toward its conclusion. But, of course, You-Know-Who had to bumble into the middle of it:
A phone call from U.S. President Donald Trump interrupted a police inquiry into Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who was on Monday being questioned for a fourth time over suspicions of corruption.
If that call was staged, it was clumsy as hell. And probably worthless, because…
It is possible someone from his Likud party could replace Netanyahu without a new vote, but many analysts think it unlikely, predicting an election would have to be called for September or November, depending on developments. […]
To analysts, the rumblings are clear and foreshadow change after 20 years of Netanyahu dominating the landscape.
“Active politicians and those on the benches waiting to enter, all of them have concluded that early elections are coming because of the investigation,” Menachem Klein, a politics professor at Bar-Ilan University, told Reuters.
“They are starting to prepare themselves.”
How do you prepare yourself for the absence of Netanyahu? I think step 1 is celebrate like hell.
CHEERS to Pa Bell. 141 years ago today, in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell received a patent—#174,465—for a communications device that has a diaphragm inside it. Bell called it the telephone. Republicans called it a slut.
Ten years ago in C&J: March 7, 2007
CHEERS to shrewd moves. See, by not paying his parking tickets, Barack Obama has just endeared himself to everyone from millionaire widows to rednecks with confederate flags on their trucks. Not to be outdone, Hillary promptly started ripping the tags off of mattresses.
And just one more…
CHEERS to mysteries solved. That hair. That swirling, whirling, non-human hair. Where have I seen it before? Finally, over the weekend I put two and two together when I saw this video of Trump huffing and puffing his way up the stairs of Air Force One:
There it is: Donald Trump has transplanted Barf hair:
And from this point on, I vow to respect the integrity of the office by referring to him as the President. President Barf.
Have a hair-raising Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Americans are confused on Bill in Portland Maine’s kiddie pool, but support cutting Cheers and Jeers.