Talking about salaries is notoriously tough, writes Joe Pinsker, and two economists have tried to quantify just how uncomfortable it is. They found that people who make the most money are often the most reluctant to talk about it.
Every Monday, the psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb answers readers’ questions about life’s trials and tribulations, big or small, in The Atlantic’s “Dear Therapist” column.
This week, Lori advises a woman whose relationship started as an affair and who is worried that since her boyfriend cheated on his ex, he’ll cheat on her, too. She loves him and they’ve been dating exclusively for eight months, but she isn’t sure how to fully trust him moving forward.
Lori’s advice: Start talking about your relationship on a deeper level, and purposefully bring up the hard issues.
Once you two start talking about yourselves and your relationship on this deeper level, it will make it easier to move past the affair and bring up the kinds of things couples who are seriously dating should talk about. In your case, that might be your age difference and what you’re both wanting at this point in your lives—are you ready to get married in the near future if you two are indeed a match? Is he? Are you both interested in that? How does each of you feel about kids and finances and your careers and the division of labor in your household if you end up together for the long haul?
Send Lori your questions at email@example.com.
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